The Girl you Knew
by pain.antoine
Summary: She created a role for herself and she got lost in it...Now she can't find a way out. She yearns for more, but fears her time is over. Will he let her go? Will he be there to catch her when her world blazes? A story abut love, growing and learning to let go. Kagome&Kouga. Read & review. Rated M for safety.
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone!

It's my first fic... I hope you enjoy it, it's been a while since I wrote anything, so my English skills might be a bit rusty. Please be kind, and help out a writer by pointing out grammar mistakes :) no one's perfect!

enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha!

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She sighed, and looked up to the starry sky. She counted the stars above her, infinite, endless… just like the pain she was feeling. The pain that had become a friend, and that held her in the life she was living.

They had been together for so long…she knew every inch of his soul and his body. Their love story had been expected, celebrated, awaited... and that meant that it could be nothing else but perfect. But, no one knew the truth... **no one could know**. After all she was THE one, right?

She was the selfless girl who always gave too much, the girl who expected nothing in return over and over again, the girl who, even when her heart had been torn apart, had always found a way -, an excuse, a reason- to patch it up; and as always, she had done it with a smile, throwing herself into the moment, the desire, the passion, that young foolishness that she taught was love.

She was tired...  
She was getting lost in her role, the one she had created and gotten herself into, without ever questioning herself if it was what she wanted, if it was ever going to be worth it,

Was it worth it? Had it been worth it?

She couldn't tell anymore.  
There had once been a time in her life when she knew the answer to this simple question, a time when she knew what black and white meant, good and bad, hypocrisy and truth, love and lust, longing and wanting.  
But not anymore, now she was lost.

Lost in being the one for him, the one for them, the one everyone knew.

She heard him coming, and prepped herself up. She erased the tears with her sleeve, and made up an excuse to wander off... she had to get herself together before anyone knew the pain she was hiding.

Why was she so afraid of letting go? If only she could do it…that would mean that she could be free... that she could throw away those long, lonely nights forever: gone. forgotten.

But she knew she couldn't do it.

It had just been too many years, too many memories, moments, feelings, words.

And she wasn't sure that if she let go, she would be able to find herself again.

-Kagome… are you okay? – She heard him ask.

_Inuyasha, would you hate me if you knew? Would you let me go? Without blame, without hate… _

-I'm fine, silly! I just had a very long day, I spent all afternoon picking up herbs and helping Sango with the kids.– She forced a smile, and found a way to make it reach her eyes, so that he wouldn't suspect.

Damn.

She was getting good at it. Pretending should be her second name.

They had some dinner, and eventually fell asleep in each other's arms. And in the silence of the night, she let herself go, again… she allowed her mind to wander, she allowed herself to visit that scary place: the place where she just wanted everything to end, the place where her desire to leave everything behind was, the place where her fantasies lay.

_Inuyasha… if I ran away, would you let me go? It's not you…. _

She sighed.

She sighed a lot lately, and with every breath taken, she was losing a piece of herself, of her happiness, her dreams, her willingness to live.

_Is anyone out there that can save me? _

She was being selfish; she was living a happy life. She shouldn't complain, after all the death, chaos and drama that had once reigned her life; Kagome knew that she was now safe, living - _loving?- _with her high school crush: _Inuyasha_, the one man that had once brought so much pain, but who had realized that she was THE one, and loved her dearly and daily.

_Am I really being that selfish? I just want what Sango and Miroku have, that spark in their eyes that comes from being with each other, that love… that joy. _

Her lover woke up and another day began, another day in her routine. She was tired, she was sleeping less and less every day. Every night, as she began letting her mind wander, she was beginning to realize how unhappy she was, and how tangled in her situation she really was.

Inuyasha left with Miroku to aid a nearby village, Sango took the kids to a nearby hot spring, Shippo was still off in training, Kaede and Rin were picking herbs somewhere. And Kagome? Well, Kagome was left to wander.

_Am I wrong? _

She walked and walked, through her dear Inuyasha's forest, past the well that once connected her with her time – it had been sealed right after the fight with Naraku, after wishing for the Shikon no Tama to disappear-.

_I chose this Remember?_

She did, but she had been so innocent, so young… _oh so_ naïve!

_It's not that I don't love Inuyasha anymore, it's just that… it feels like we're roommates, rather than mates._

She blushed at her thoughts, at the idea of being mates. after all, they had sex. And lots of it, _oh yes!_ The sex was good… but, it always felt as if something stopped her from actually enjoying it, from reaching that moment she had once heard her friend from the future talk about.

_Maybe… If I had stood up for myself, instead of letting myself get caught up in this role I created, I wouldn't be feeling like I'm missing something, like I'm giving more than I'm receiving._

She kept walking, she just couldn't stop.

Until eventually she felt a presence near her.

_Is it possible? Could it really be him?_

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Did you enjoy it? Please review in order for me to grow as a writer.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello again! :) Sorry for my awful grammar mistakes! :( Again, it's been a while since I wrote a thing, so my skills are a bit rusty, but I'm feeling better when typing, so that's a good sign!

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha!

Enjoy the second chapter.

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She kept walking, she just couldn't stop.

Until eventually she felt a presence near her.

_Is it possible? Could it really be him?_

An animal leaped from the bushes, and as soon as it saw her, ran off.

_Of course it's not Him… it had been 5 years since she last saw him, he was probably off with someone else by now._

An uneasy feeling rushed through her heart at her thoughts, was it jealousy? Hate? Pity? And for whom? For him? For her? She imagined him living a life of love and happiness, while she was stuck in a masquerade. An endless show. Kagome realized that she felt numb.

_Inuyasha, would you let me go? Can you forgive me? I was young and stupid…_

Eventually she stopped, she had grown tired of walking. She found herself in a meadow, but this one she had never seen it before. After all these years, she was discovering new places.

_Maybe this is the only reason I'm still here… nature is indeed a mischievous lover. _

Kagome found a tall, old weeping willow tree by a stream. She forced herself to walk there, because she knew that it was the place to rest. It was a strange feeling, it was like if the tree was calling her, seducing her with it's rough and gray bark, with its branches arching upwards, while others falling gracefully straight down.

She touched its trunk, and felt a pang of hope flow through her.

_What is happening? _

She let go of the feeling, and took a seat under the tree. She closed her eyes and allowed her mind to wander, the sound of water flowing was enchanting, and for the first time in months, she felt peace.

"Kagome!" – She heard her name being yelled in her dreams, someone was looking for her._ Inuyasha_… but the sound of his voice was so far away… away from the reality she had carved for herself, away from the pain.

"Kagome, where are you?!"

His voice was growing impatient; she could hear the angst through it. He was concerned.

Kagome stood up quickly, realizing it was already night and that she was still in the meadow. She had slept all day, but boy! She felt rested, it was a nice sensation, a wonderful feeling after so many sleepless nights.

Without a thought, she ran to him. After all, the sooner she found him the better. That way, she would be able to keep her meadow a secret, a treasure, a guilty pleasure.

_There's something about this place… it wants me back._

She found him miles before her spot was even visible, her meadow was safe for the moment. They went back to the village, _back home?_ They had dinner, and once again fell asleep in each other's arms. Her lover unaware of her feelings, her thoughts, her dreams.

Days passed before Kagome found an opportunity to visit her secret spot again, it felt like weeks to her, but she knew it hadn't been that long. Once again, everyone left, leaving her alone. After all, she would** always** be there when they returned, right? That was the Kagome they all knew.

_Would they forgive me if I were to disappear? Would they still love me when I leave? Would they talk to me after I say no?_

It was a misty, chilly day… and when Kagome arrived to her spot, she perceived how majestic nature was.. She saw thick clouds of mist rising to the skies, like waves in the ocean. The sun slowly washing in gold the place, making it look as if it was on fire…A beautiful, colossus blaze.

_And from the ashes of fire, a new life would rise...a new start, a fresh and warm beginning. _

Oh how she longed for a new start! A new year, new me crap. Some days she felt the possibility of doing it, of speaking out her mind, of leaving him and them behind. But, like a child being scolded by her parents, she felt small, unwise...so she did what she had learned at a tender age to do: to shut her mouth, ignore her guts, and resume with her life, her role, her world.

"Maybe one day I wont be scared ..." she heard herself say out loud.

"You were never afraid of life, Kagome."

A warm, deep voice said from above.

For a moment, Kagome thought she was going crazy, and that, heavens forbid, she had died somewhere along the way to her meadow.

_Could it really be him? _

She felt her heart ache in pain, her stomach turned into a molten marshmallow, and all of her strength left her body, causing her to land on her knees.

"Is it you? Are you really here?" She whispered, her voice so soft, so scared … and so easy to miss if you were not close enough.

And in that moment, Kagome felt someone land in front of her. Warm hands cupped her cheeks, sending an electric sensation through her body. She felt her head being lifted to meet someone's gaze.

And she found herself lost in the ocean of his eyes.

Blue waves crashed on her. Full of love, of longing, of sadness… and perhaps..._hope?_

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Thank you for reading! :)

You're awesome! :)

Lovs!


	3. Chapter 3

Hello, everyone! :)

I'm so sorry for the late update, but I've had several situations at home, so it hasn't really been easy to write :/ But, I promise I'll try to update more often!

Thank you for reading...

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

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And she found herself lost in the ocean of his eyes.

Blue waves crashing on her. Full of love, of longing, of sadness… and perhaps..._hope-_

"Hey, Kagome." Hi voice was so sweet, so soft that Kagome had to pinch herself to make sure she had actually heard him say something. She was still in shock, on her knees, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart.

"It's been a while, right?"

After 5 years she finally got to hear him again, his deep tone sending shivers down her back. She wasn't ready to answer, so she lowered her eyes, breaking eye contact, finding the grass under her vastly fascinating.

"I…" Kagome tried to find the right words for this moment, but as usual she couldn't find her voice. She had practice this dialogue in her mind over and over again, in a way to keep herself alive, and at the same time, to be ready if Kami had the mercy of letting him show up… but when life sends you something you've been yearning for, all of your work out, your ideal answers disappear, because reality is never as imagined.

Somewhere in the depths of her mind, Kagome knew that she was really afraid that all of this was a hallucination created by her tortured mind, by her selfish wishes and desires, and she wasn't sure she was willing to go down that path so easily. Sure, she wasn't happy in her current life but at least she had a life.

"Kagome…" He whispered. B_oy! It was really him_! How many nights had she begged Kami for one more chance to talk to him? To smell him? To hug him? _To kiss him?_ She had lost track over the years; too many nights, countless shooting stars had she witnessed and dared to ask for the same wish over and over again: _I want to see **him** again._

And suddenly, out of the blue, she had him standing in front of her, his warm hands holding her face; and still, she was unable to really look at him.

"Please look at me." She heard a sad tone coming from his voice, and suddenly she felt ashamed of herself. She was, after all, getting exactly what she wanted, right? So, for Kami's sake was she going to snap out of it and do something… for the first time in five years, Kagome was going to speak up.

"…hello, Kouga…" She dared look into his eyes as she finally found her voice. She felt tears building in her eyes, her body began to shake in an uncontrollable manner, her body losing the strength she had on it. She was falling. She was sure the grass was going to hit her body, and she was ready for it. She was sure this was still a dream- a joke- from the Gods above; but as she felt her body descending, strong arms caught her. Holding her, making sure she wouldn't break, and letting her know that **he** was still in her life.

"Pour it out, my sweet Kagome, I'm here for you, as I promised I would always be."

She let out a sob and suddenly, she couldn't fight back the tears any longer. The emotion was too overwhelming, and she was sure she was going to die if she didn't let them loose.

…

"I can't believe it's really you…" She felt her face hot with embarrassment, her voice was still a little bit husky from all the tears she had cried.

They were now sitting next to each other, one of his hand holding hers, stroking her fingers, reassuring her that he was there, and that he was no ghost, no hallucination, and definitely no dream. She was still shy, so she wasn't really looking at him, but it was ok.

This was a gift, and Kagome knew better than to tempt her luck with words, sometimes it was better to just sit back and smell the flowers.

As they sat in the meadow, just letting the minutes pass by, Kouga reflected on the event that occurred days ago, when Kagome sleep under the willow tree. At first, he just couldn't believe his luck when he had smelled her wandering the other day through his meadow. He had been coming to this place for years, it was the only place where his unrequited soul found peace. Then, he thought she was a hallucination, an oasis created by him to quench his thirsty soul; but when he saw her falling asleep he gathered the courage to kneel next to her and touch her beautiful face, and of course he had realized that Kagome was indeed there, in his tree. Her aura felt sad, and her body reeked of tiredness, so naturally he wasn't going to disturb her. Perhaps if the Gods were kind, they would grant him another moment with his _woman_.

There is a saying that says that if you ask, you shall receive… and right then, Kouga realized that the Gods had listened, and now he was there with _his _Kagome holding her hand, caressing her fingers, trying to sooth her wretched soul.

He knew she wasn't ready to talk yet, and he wouldn't force her. Never. He had been waiting for years to see a glimpse of her again, so he actually didn't mind waiting a little bit longer just to hear her voice, to feel her…. _To kiss her?_

He had never been able to cope with the fact that she had chosen Inuyasha; sure he knew she had always been by his side - she had made that quite obvious since the first day they met- but, that day -when he had first seen her- when he had first touched her, he had felt a jolt through his body, a calling. and he thought, _had hoped, _that maybe Kagome had feel it too; but as time went by, he realized that his sweet Kagome remained clueless.

Kouga just couldn't deny their bond, the passion that was there, under their friendship; and maybe he still hoped that, maybe, just maybe… there was still a way for them to be together.

"This is my favorite place to visit, Kagome."

She looked at him, and she took the time to study his face: gentle blue eyes, strong jaw, and a worried frown laying under his calm features.

"When things in the pack get too overwhelming and I need to calm down, and refocus, I come here. I believe that if I hadn't discovered this place, Ginta and Hakkaku would probably had been dead by now."

She let out a laugh, genuine one. Her laughter filling the air and it was a sweet melody to his ears, when he heard it he realized that **she** was still there, underneath all that sadness, that pain, **his Kagome** lived.

"They were quite a pair back then… I'm glad they still are." She whispered, a touch of jealousy was felt through her words, and it didn't go unnoticed by Kouga, who was still trying to figured out what exactly had happened to his woman.

"Yeah…. Even with mates and cubs of their own, they still haven't really lost their ability to make me crazy."

Kouga words were filled with love, he was really proud of his pack, especially after everything they had gone through: the birds of paradise, Naraku's tricks, the Band of Seven… And they had managed to thrive, to grow, in spite of all the adversities.

Kagome felt a wave of emotions rush through her: happiness, proudness, curiosity and jealousy. She felt content with the outcomes that Kouga's pack had; she felt proud because they had been able to move on with their lives; but mainly she felt curious and jealous about the family part: where Kouga and Ayame _mates_? Did he have cubs? A family of his _own_?

"… and what about you, Kouga?"

There.

The question was out of the box. The cards were dealt and there was no turning point. Kagome wasn't really sure what was going to happened next, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to know the answer, hell she really didn't know why she had asked that…

_Bullshit! You know why you asked that, Kagome! You want to know if Kouga is still **yours. **_

Surprised by her thoughts, she felt a blush working its way to her cheeks, a cherry blush! And Kouga, who had been surprised by her question, chuckled. Yes, his Kagome was still there.

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Thank you for reading! :)

Please review and sorry for the late delivery!

lovs,


	4. Chapter 4

Hello! I'm sorry... it's been a rough couple of weeks... My relationship is falling apart right in front of me, so It's been dificult to actually focus on writing. Theres just too much going on right now... please, sorry!

Hope you enjoy the story, and I'm sorry if there are any grammar mistakes! Feel free to give your opinion and to pull my ears if I get lost in the plot! It really has been hell.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

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"I can't make any promises, Kouga-kun… but I'll try." She gave him a sad smile, and it crushed his heart to see his woman so lost, so alienated from who she used to be; but at the same time, he felt confident that maybe, little by lithe could be able to bring her back.

_Come back to me, Kagome. _Kouga stood there until her figure was lost, and then he returned back to his pack, to his family.

Kagome was sure that she broke a Feudal Era record for covering 500m in less than 10 minutes. She had run straight from the meadow and back to the village. She was tired, but she couldn't take a rest now, she was so close to home, and she knew that the smart thing to do was to get a hold of herself until she set foot in her house. She had completely lost track of time, and was scared that maybe one of her friends had returned sooner from wherever they went to… because that would imply giving explanations, and Kagome just didn't want to.

_I don't want to share Kouga right now._

She entered the hut she shared with Inuyasha, and when she was sure that there was no sign that he had been there recently, she let her emotions loose. Her whole body was overwhelmed in shock, love, despair… she couldn't pick out exactly how or what she was feeling, she just knew that it was too much.

She was a mess.

A devastatingly beautiful mess.

Kagome, the Shikon Miko, the almighty and powerful Kagome was losing control, she could feel her tormented and overawed soul pleading for an escape, and she knew that this time she was not going to be able to hide it from anyone. With no viable solution to her distress, Kagome decided to do what she was best at: taking a bath. She quickly took her things and sprinted to the nearest hot spring. She knew that Inuyasha wouldn't mind, because after all, he would smell Kagome plus water and would instantly leave her alone.

She reached her destination, took off her kimono and went in the water. The warmth she was feeling was already comforting her aching heart.

_I guess hot springs are the chicken soup of the past._

Her tears began falling uncontrollably, she really missed her family, her life, herself. She had given up so much over the years that she felt lost.

The final battle against Naraku had changed everything, and the loss of so many had led Kagome to make an impromptu decision in her life. When she was taken inside the jewel, into the darkness, she had been scared. Scared for her life, because she could feel the emptiness filling her soul; and she knew that she didn't want to feel that again. **Ever.** She had seen so many ghosts in that place, dark memories, painful endings, that it reassured her that it was a place she never wanted to visit again.  
She had been grateful for her rescue, and had felt proud of her wish.

She was so young, so innocent then, and yet she had been able to make the right wish, a selfless wish that would not only destroy the jewel, but put to rest the damned souls inside it. She had saved the world: the past and the future. She was supposed to have her happily ever after, right? Why did it felt like something was missing?

_Kouga. _

His name clouded her thoughts, and the tears that had stopped began flowing again. They felt like acid while they rolled down her cheeks, her heart felt unrested once again.

"No, no, no! I choose this, remember? I was sent back home, and had been given the chance to stay there forever. And I missed him so much, that I came back… and now I'm with him. So stop this nonsense, Kagome!"

_But I never really missed him, I missed **HIM.**_

She had been so confused then, so young and hurt, that she had put someone else's face over her love, over him. Allowing her teenage mind to decide that her crush was the one, when it reality it was the wolf prince who had captured her heart.

She let out a long and painful sigh, she wasn't crying anymore. She knew she needed to find a way to calm down her troubled soul, otherwise everyone will start getting suspicious and star asking questions she just didn't feel like answering. So, she allowed her body to relax with the warm water and began reflecting upon her choices and life, when she had lost control of her lfe.

Kagome knew that had been her choice to leave her family, but it didn't help ease the pain. She had made that choice out of despair, because after Naraku - after wishing on the Shikon no tama - after returning home...she had felt so disconnected from her world. She had felt off, like she didn't belong there anymore. She had tried engaging on conversation with her friends, going out with them, she had even tried dating... but nothing had been able to lift off the feeling that she was missing something, someone.

Kagome Higurashi, the girl born in the 20th century, had become an outsider to her time. She had walked daily by the Goshinboku Tree, a constant reminder of her other life, and every time she had passed by it a spiral of memories washed over her. It had taken many joyless days and tearful nights for her to realized where in time she really belonged: with them, 500 years in the past.

So naturally, when the well opened one more time, and allowed her to go back to them: Shippo, Sango, Miroku, Inuyasha, _Kouga _she took it. Yet, she wasn't aware of the long term implications of her actions, she had still been young back then, and the 18 year old Kagome assumed somewhere in the depths of her mind that the well would still work,... now she knew it had been a stupid thing to believe in.

Remembering everything that had happened, all the moments and decisions, made Kagome realized how much she really missed her mom, she needed her advice, now more than ever. She was so lost; she wasn't sure what she was doing anymore. She was torn between her self-imposed role and the woman she yearned to be... she wanted to stop being the good girl, the friendly neighborhood girl, she wanted to live.

_When had it all went downhill? When did she loose herself?_

The warm water of the hot spring was indeed liberating, she submerged in it and hold her breath, and for a brief moment nothing mattered. She allowed her heart to speak and for the first time in 5 years, she was going to listen to it, just like her mom had taught her to do all her life.

_One day at a time, Kagome. Just breathe.  
_  
Eventually her need for air called her back to the surface. Kagome felt rested and the pain in her heart had lessened. She wasn't sure what was going to happen to her, she was still in doubt... but she felt ok, she knew what she was supposed to do now.

She dried herself up, gathered her stuff and walked back to her home. Back to her life.

**_For now._**

.

When she reached her hut, she notice something was off. She could hear Miroku and Sango talking with their kids, trying to get them to sleep. However, Inuyasha was nowhere near the village, their home remained as it had been hours ago, which was odd considering that it was late at night, and that everyone was back from wherever they had gone to.

She let it go, she needed to sleep and without him near, maybe she could get a good sleep, not that Inuyasha was the cause of it, but he was one of her reasons why she felt obligated to be good, to be the nice and selfless woman they had known for years.

.

The sun rose, showering with its golden rays and warmth the land. Kagome woke up, and for the first time in a long time, felt rested. She stretched, began her daily activities, and when she was about to go with Kaede to pick up herbs, realized that Inuyasha was still nowhere near.

_Had he really been gone all night? _

Even if he wasn't the one she wanted to be with, that didn't mean she wasn't worried. She still had a duty to him, so she went with Miroku, after all he was the last person who he had been with.

"Good morning Miroku! Sorry to bother you, but have you seen Inuyasha? He was gone all night."

"Lady Kagome! Good morning! Inuyasha well…he should be arriving very soon, Kagome-sama. Yesterday, the elders from the village requested that we stayed overnight. They were somewhat afraid that the youkai we had just banished returned. I, obviously, couldn't stay, so Inuyasha did."

"Oh… well, it's a good thing he stayed there to help. Thank you, Miroku."

Without further thought, Kagome returned to her routine, after all she had to fulfill her duty. She went with Sango to help with the kids, helped Kaede and Rin pick herbs, and aided the villagers with their illnesses.

By late afternoon there were still no signs of Inuyasha. Kagome was getting worried but decided not to dwell on it after all Inuyasha was a big boy, and after defeating Naraku the rest of the youkai they encountered were an easy kill compared to the spider hanyou.

She decided to take a break from her chores, Kagome felt exhausted, drained out. Being the good girl was tiring, however this time she was just tired, the emptiness that usually came with that feeling wasn't as present as before.

This day, Kagome had remembered to breath.

She went back to her home, arranged her belongings and wondered as to what to do with the time she had left in her hands before it got dark. She could go to the hot springs, or take a walk by the river, _or maybe I can go to the meadow? _Her thoughts made her blush.

She wasn't really sure if it was a good idea, but then again, she was tired of being the good girl.

_Inuyasha is still not here, what's there to lose? For all I know he isn't there!_

_..._

_.._

_._

Oh but sweet Kagome was wrong! For the wolf prince was there, waiting for her, just like he said he would.

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**:) Hope you enjoyed it! :) **

**please remember to review:)**


	5. Chapter 5

Hello! :) I hope you enjoy this mini chapter, be kind with my grammar mistakes! :D

enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha :)

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She was almost there.

She could hear the meadow whispering her name; she could feel those secret desires so close to her; passion dripping with each step she took.

A few more meters and she would be there, with him, again.

The darkest desires of her heart were tempting her. She felt a tingling sensation rush over her body, heat irradiating from her most intimate parts as her mind lured her with all the pleasure that **he** could give her.

_Just for tonight…_

She made a silent prayer to the Gods above her, wishing that they took pity in her troubled soul and allowed her one night of freedom.

Just one night. That was all she was asking, all she needed.

Her pace slowed down, and she came to a complete stop.

Something inside her caused her body to cease all movement, her legs wouldn't work with her. And she knew, in that precise moment, she knew that she couldn't do it.  
She wasn't going to be able to be with him.

_"Kagome-chan, Inuyasha-kun, you're such a cute couple!"_

_"You are perfect together"_

_"Kagome, look after my girls tonight."_

_"Kagome-sama, the people from the village require your assistance."_

_"Kagome, you should always be smiling."_

_"Kagome, you are a good person."_

_"Kagome…"_

_"Kagome.."_

**"STOP IT, PLEASE!" **Kagome yelled as memories began crushing on her, shooting a sharp pain through her body as she collapsed to the floor. She could hear every single one of their voices, of their request, of their pleas, of what they expected she could and had to do.

She broke down, tears falling down her beautiful and pale face. Her mask cracking with every _forbidden_ thought she was having. All she wanted was to be happy, to be herself again, to genuinely be good, and not imposed. To love. To laugh. To _fuck_.

_One day at a time, Kagome._

_Just breathe. _

A whisper voice inside her head told her. Kagome, lost as she was, desperate for the pain to cease, decided to listen and follow her subconscious instructions. It took a while, the soft breeze of the day caressing her body.

She stood up, and looked to the horizon. The sun was setting, handing out its last rays of warmth. She embraced them as night arrived.

She hugged herself, and while staring at the moon that was beginning to shine on the dark and starry sky, she knew she wasn't going to be able to go to him. Not tonight. Not tomorrow.

_One day at the time, Kagome._

The voice inside her insisted. She let out a sigh, turned around and began walking back home, but not before shooting a glance in the direction of her secret place. Kagome blew a kiss to the shadows, hoping that **he** was there to catch it.

Slowly, taking her time to enjoy the scenario in front her, Kagome went back to her life. Her role. Her place. However, this time a small light was shining inside her heart, for there was hope. She knew that if she took it one day at the time, everything was going to be alright. After all, she had lived like this for 5 years already, what was wrong with waiting another year?

…

The wolf prince that was lurking in the shadows saw her struggle. It was killing him to see her like that, in tears again; he was tempted to reveal himself, he wanted to hug her, to kiss every single one of her tears and worries away; but something held him back. Maybe it had been the Gods demanding his patience, for a few moments after his desperate attempt to go to her, he saw **his woman** blowing a kiss to him.

…

That night a powerful miko and a wolf prince dreamt of love.

Dreamt of a world full of possibilities.

A world of second chances.

A world where they were together.

Even though someone else hugged the miko's body that night.

Even though they were kilometers apart.

For the Gods were kind, and if the miko and the wolf prince were willing to learn, there would be a way for them to be together again.

But it was all up to them.

* * *

Lots of love,


	6. Chapter 6

_Hello! :)_

_Ok, so Inuyasha and Kagome share a bit of a moment. I hope you enjoy it! :D _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha :)_

* * *

Inuyasha was there the next day.

It was early morning when he woke her up. He gave her a soft kiss on her forehead, a kiss that spoke of broken promises and forbidden desires. They had been together for so long, everyone expecting nothing but perfection from them, so naturally when he couldn't give her what she so secretly desired, he began to cast off. He felt a traitor, for betraying every single one of the promises he had made to her years ago… years that felt like decades.

Their relationship had turned into a strange, yet comfortable, routine. Neither of them ever expressing what was really going on in their troubled hearts. Each one of them perfecting and mastering the art of pretending. He was to stubborn and proud to admit their failed romance. She had gotten so involved in her role of being the good girl that couldn't find a way out of their predicament.

She sat next to him, her hands resting softly on his. They were still cold, but his warmth was enough to keep her comfortable. She gave him a sweet smile and a quick peek on his cheek. It wasn't much, and it didn't feel genuine, but it was enough for them both.

It had to be.

For neither of them had anything left to offer to each other. All Kagome had left for her handsome hanyou was gratitude, friendship and countless memories. All Inuyasha had left for his generous miko was admiration, tenderness and whishing he could renege on all of his promises.

There was clearly nothing left between the two of them.

Nothing left but words.

Words to be said.

Words that would seal their fate.

Words that would shattered their perfect union.

Words that were waiting to be said to the other.

But that neither of them were willing to say out loud.

_Would it all go down to hell if we were to end this? Would you be able to forgive me?_

Inuyasha caressed her cheek. He took her beautiful face in his hands, and looked deep in her eyes, feeling the emptiness in them. He felt guilty, he was responsible for this. He knew that whatever they had was nothing compared to what they thought would be. He had imagined kids, a fulfilled Kagome, a solid union, a mark in her shoulder, a _family_… and yet, after many years, many attempts, there was nothing that hold them together, nothing more than blissful memories, young lust and their idolized relationship.

They kissed, in a desperate attempt to fill their souls with something: passion, desire, lust, **something**!  
His hands wandered down her body, her arms hugged his neck. No words were spoken. He slowly untied her kimono, removing it… revealing her pearly white skin. One of his hands took a hold of her generous breast, and Kagome moaned at his touch. She arched her back, wanting to feel more of it. His other hand stroked her thigh, tickling her skin, lighting her body up.

He introduced one of his fingers inside her, warming her up, preparing her for him.

"Inuyasha…" she moaned.

He kissed her chin, her neck, and slowly wandered down to her generous breasts. Her nipples got hard, and demanding at the feeling of his saliva on them. Her hands tangled in his beautiful silver hair. She roamed her hands down to his garments and quickly took them off. She threw them to the side, not caring if someone was close by. She needed to feel him inside her soon.

Inuyasha introduced two more fingers inside her, accelerated his pace on her body. She was wet, she was ready. His teeth played with her nipples, taking a playful bite at them. Kagome moaned louder, she could feel her body building up, enjoying the attentions Inuyasha was giving her body.

She pressed harder her heated body against his, urging him to fasten up his pace. Her mouth looking for his, kissing him urgently. She was ready, and he knew it. So quickly, he throbbed his manhood inside her. At first, his pace was slow, but as their need got more tangible, the thrusts became faster and deeper. Inuyasha couldn't hold back any longer, he could feel Kagome on the edge, ready to come; and together they climaxed.

Their breathing was heavy, their bodies sweaty, and their home reeked of sex. To any outsider they sounded like a fulfilled couple, but they knew better. This hadn't been done out of love, no… it was done out of necessity, obligation, need. They waited for their hearts and souls to calm down before getting dressed.

As she slid her kimono in her body, she couldn't help but touch the base of her neck, trying to feel his mark. It was an old habit of hers, she knew there was nothing there. She wasn't exactly sure why it wasn't visible, she had heard that youkai's mark were for the world to see, but she thought that because Inuyasha was a hanyou, maybe the mark worked in a different way.

She let out a sigh, and looked at him, her eyes longing to find the spark that she had seen when she had been a teenager girl. He gave her a quick kiss, and murmured something about going tomorrow morning to help a neighbor village with Miroku.

"You're leaving me so soon?" She wasn't really sure if she wanted him there, but she had to be a dedicated wife. After all, he had just returned.

"I have to help Miroku, Kagome."

"I know… when shall you return?"

"In two days."

"Ok. Please be safe, I'll gather some herbs for you to take to aid both of you."

The day ended quickly, no more words were said between them, there was no need for that anymore. They had said enough in the past. She sighed. Their conversations had gotten shorter and shorter as time passed by, limited to outside events and trivialities.

He kissed her lips, she waved goodbye.

_Inuyasha… will you ever let me go?_

She watched his figure disappear along with Miroku's in the distance, and while she allowed her heart to drown in self-pity for a few minutes, she also felt something different rushing through her soul. A small light was trying to find a way to cast out the darkness in her heart, and a name escaped from her lips.

**_"Kouga-kun…"_**

Maybe this time she could go? After all, she had two complete days to herself.

She smiled, feeling hope and joy again in her life. And as she walked back to her home, all she could do was throw a grateful prayer to the gods above her.

Yes, the gods were being kind to her.

All she had do to know was listen.

* * *

_Next chapter, Kouga and Kagome will have some time for themselves. I'm sorry it feels like there hasn't been enough, but it will get there :)_

_Please review if I'm messing it up! :)_

_Lots of love,_


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